The downside of destiny
You think i must be full of s**t to come up with such a dramatic title . Im sad to say the levity of this blog is jarringly minimal form all of my previous ones . I do not want to bore you with all the preliminary sh*t that led to this blog because even if i wanted to , there is nothing of thta sort .The cause behind this effect is something really random and unexpected , and a bit unsettling . It started with the Ug1 orientation this monday , thar is today. Jimmy and me worked on the damned speech for the better half of the day and it really did pay off. The parents did not scream 'encore !' or throw any roses but a few did show up later and thanked jimmy for how reaffirming the speech .It was just two , but we very expecting something much closer to zero , so it was a minor victory .
We were feeling great on the way back to the OBH (thats the old boys hostel) when we were accosted by two middle aged guys and a prospective UG1. They wanted to know where to get the refund for the draft they have given that very morning . A bit surprised ,i had to ask them what on god's good earth could have possibly have happened in these five hours that could have changed their mind . I'll have the reader know they were not form what is referred to as a priveleged background . I guess they are what people are really like outside the metros we refuse to look beyond . It turned out the middle aged guy number #2 was the twenty year old brother of the aforementioned prospectee . And also that he is from AAAIT (All Andhra Anamak Institute of Technology ) in vijayawada. I must stress how whatever delusions i had about myself and my state (Andhra .Pradesh that is) are gone and there is nothing in this state that is inferior to any place anywhere , but i am also aware of the realities that are the lack of facilities (technical and otherwise) and the lack of an open minded outlook (again, technical and otherwise) that come with such places .
No one from vijayawada can hold this statement against me .This is as objective as i can get .I apologise if i sound even remotely judgemental, it is truly unintended .
Back to the matter of the disreputable AAAIT ,the misbegotten elder brother who has the size and shape of a father of five wanted dear little brother to follow his footsteps into his hallowed halls of mediocrity . The entire conversation was marred with lame attempts my middle aged guy #2 (having foung out im in ug3 too )trying to
convince me (and himself ? ) that his 'college' is as good as ours . These are questions that should not raised because they will do more damage than good .
I'll tell you what the most f***ed up thing is . The possible juniour was really taken by Kamal's and Sangal's speech about what is all about and he's the kinda guy who'd risk being a small fish in a big pond rather be a big one in a perceptibly small one . I really liked him and there was nothing i could say in front of him anymore without making his beloved bada bhaiiyya look like a joke or risk losing my temper and call him a f***ing retard .
I know anyone in my place would have been very eoquent and be very descriptive of how bette IIIT is but what was scaring me was that this would have intimidated the hell out of the father sanding right there feeling so out of place and that would make this leave this place more determined than they were before speaking ot me. They did not appreciate the regional diversity of this place , it was more of a downside as far as they're concerned. Going more into how the social life here is would have helpful as a handjob . I really did not want to scare them away but now im sitting here thinking perhaps i said too little .
It would be a minor miracle if the possible junior finds the sones to tell his big bro not to take him(junior ) down with him(brother/congenital loser).
It would be real great if the guy picks IIIT , but they go back to vijayawada tomorrow and i can't help but think he won't be coming here again .
There you go, thats the downside of destiny. It makes you wait for a crappy ending and you cannot get your tickets back.
when google goes wrong ....
One of many brave new territories vbeing ventured into by the idea hamsters at google inc is to make the reply to any question posed to the google search engine be accurate ,or at the best relevant.
Only, images are searched by keywords attached to those images, so they are counting on a site host to not be a conniving prick like yours truly and pull shit like having keywords like brittney spears or ponies (yes, i donot like pre-adolescent girls) with graphic images of circumcisions or vasectomies (either will do) with the ray of hope being that they will show up on google and shock the pinafores of them pony loving brittney wannabees.
It looks like God has done most of my work for me. Whaere best to spread disinformation and keep his flock humble and obedient than their most revered source of wisdom?
Here are the images i get for a few questions many impressionable kids and desperate souls have in common.
- Is there life out there ?
- Google must have misunderstood my query, so i rephrased it.
Is there intelligent life out there? 
- Well, next question..... Is there true love?
- That was not very helpful. I decided to move onto more worldly questions
Like .....
This was the most relevant answer i have got so far nad it relies heavily on innuendo not everyone is privy to.
- I decided to go easy on her and ask questions which are more common, so i went ahead with....
- Where do babies come from?
No, Im not buying it.
Okayy, thats better.
- Which backstreet boy is gay?
At last , one straight answer out of google, and surprisingly accurate too .
There is still hope. Keep at it Mr.Brin.
- By the way, here are a few results for keyword "stupid".
Disclaimer: I shit you not
Twenty someone
Today, i turn twenty.
today is the first day of the rest of my life.
If youre thinking drama queen, you are so not twenty years old. Twenty has a special significance, just like sixteeen , eighteen and sixty do. Let me elaborate.
Sixteen is when you finish school and are pretty much done with the concepts of homework , lunch-box and corproal punishment. It means the training wheels are off.
Eighteen is the next level , the powers that be are pleased with progress we have made and thus grant us with the gifts of guilt-free access to motor vehicles and porn.
All seems well but then, BOOOM youre twenty. You have any idea what that means? It means no more dramatics , no more erratic behaviour which was previously pinned on the whole hormonal thing.
Welcome to post adolescence. Welcome to the first day of the rest of youre life.
So, twenty huh? should'nt I be hanging out with friends in a pub,ogling at girls and guzzling beer before accepting all the shit that comes with being a grownup ? Should'nt i be doing whatever i want?
Well, i am doing exactly that. Im sitting in the lab surrounded by the people i like and respect, ignoring (at least trying very hard to ignore ) the rest, talking to my adoring public. I have nothing special planned, or rather, i want all the good stuff thats meant to happen today to be spread over the rest of my life. Does that sound stupid? Hell, won't be my first, sure as hell wont be my last.
By the way, i want to make a public resolution to make this regular ,(just how regular is upto what's in store for me ) in the hope that it WILL keep me regular .
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like my father's come to pass
twenty years has gone so fast
wake me up when september ends -Green Day
Black Thoughts and all the entrails
Frogive me if this comes across as a little lecherous ,but that pretty much amounts this last weekend.
Never lose sleep over anything, especially if you did lose sleep the day before .
I'll tell you where all this is coming from. All i ever wanted was everything. At least watching everything on DC++ after an all tooo long hiatus from the delightful world of P2P sharing. This took the whole night and a third of the next day,i.e thursday 12:pm to friday 8:00 AM.
This was followed by doing a banal assignment due on Monday. And then , the homecoming follows as saturday was a holiday . One word...torrents.i love bram cohen, nothinng for his wife to faer, but i owe him more than i care to share.(I get a little emotional talking about p2p).
For all of my gloating when it comes to my expertise with p2p, theer is still a lot i do not comprehend about it.
Oh yes, the tile thing, so i lost sllep for yet a nother day, and thus began my descent into the deepest ,darkest places hidden in our heads. I may soudn off it but anyone who has a Phd in neuropsychology or has read crichton's terminal man will understand what limbic means.It measn instinctual, goin by what the beast in you tells,I got aggressive to the extent of nearly assualting an auto guy who nerly ra me over.Such an attitude will not cut it for you in this shitty(i mean city, but you get the reason behind this freudian slip,dontcha?)
~
more to come.
A for anarchy
I happen to be listening to fight club OST as i write this , and i cannot discount its influence on my state of mind right now. All I see is a world built on lies like justice, love, and free pizzas. Its a phenomenally orchestrated lie perpetuated by the mutual consent of all people above 40 years old with IQ under 150 and a personal worth of above 5 crore rupees (thats 1 mill in dollars ).
It is not my objective to convince you that this is true. The resistence thinks all my efforts are futile, that this will be yet another anarchist blog rambling about the Man. For the record , there is no one man behind this lie we live in. At least , its not a man. I think i have said too much.
I cannot say this without sounding paranoid . But what is paranoia but having all the information there is and crumbling under the weight of the truth. You never know how horrific anything is until you realise it is for real.
They are watching you.
the Dhannsari Zone-Continued
There is no way I can get out of this. Other than killing myself. All I could think of are the horrid things pondy would be doing within my body, forget the disgrace of being him, what of my rep?Not that Im much of anything but what of my family?my friends? will they miss me ? or will they settle for this new and improved ass-kissing ,highly obliging version of me? No way.This is pondy we are talkin about.There is a good reason he's the most hated person of UG-1.
But wait. There are two sides to that coin.He could be doin anything now. And so could I. The thought lasted for about a second before all the possibilities opened up to me. I can get away with anything.If im stuck in this stupid meaningless excuse of a life, I might as well be doing it in rajamundhry central jail.
Now,what would any rational, red blooded person do if in my position? Screw that.Now is not the time to be rational. Its payback time to every person who needs to be offed for the good of mankind.
I began to think of wonderful new things I could do to people now that I have nothing to lose.
This is so not what I saw coming for me this semester. I think I will have lot of fun.
The Dhannnsarii Zone
I open my eyes and find myself in a clinically neat room. I find my hand is resting on my cr**ch and move it away in disgust. I see a huge 4 by 2 mirror on the wall .This is not my room. I walk to the mirror and am shocked to be confronted by the bloated, mishappen shape that is known to most of UG1 as Pondy. I scream and stop in disgust upon hearing the voice that comes out. Its nasal, whiny and resonates in my head . Wait, the thoughts in my head still are mine .But for how long??
I realize there's an assignment to be finished. They could not spare us in the holidays either ,could they?? .I see what time it is in my wristwatch and see its 10A.M and wonder what Pondy is doin in my body (Ive seen enough movies to know thats how it works).
I head for the lab .All through the way ,Im confronted with frowns and filthy sideway looks(except for rangeela, who winks at me).It is not surprising ,when I really think about it. I am Pondy for now,concentrate on the assignment .
I am inexplicably drawn to the EC lab. I give in to the urge to enter,and see JNT smiling leeringly at me. He says he needs to speak to me. I go to his cubicle ,and he opens multisim and starts explaining why it is wrong and how nobody believes him. He was baring his soul to me, babbling about how I was the only person who believed in him and went on and on and somewhere within the smouldering repulsion,I felt a twinge of affection .It started as a thought,but the next thing I knew ,I was facing him ,my hand on his shoulder and was drawing myself closer to him.
I came to my senses a few inches away from his face and ran out of the lab.
This cannot be happening .Am I becoming him (?) ?? Is he(?) becoming more like me too?? where will this end??? I hurry to the hostel.Ive got to find myself and sort this out. All the way back to the hostel .I catch myself staring at a senior wearing a short jammies.
this is not happening.Im trapped in Pondy.
to be continued............
